New Year Mama
I’ve been a mom for all of two years, three months, one week, and four days. I’ve been a mom of two for eleven months, two weeks and one day. All I know is that motherhood cannot be explained it has to be experienced. It is the hardest thing I will ever do in my life and by far it gives me the most purpose in life.
2016 was a tough year for me. It started out great! Maternity leave with a perfect little baby, I was in heaven. Honestly heaven! Come the beginning of April, I was back to work and it was so difficult. I started a new job 12 days before I gave birth. I know I’m a complete crazy person. I had no idea the new job would be more demanding than my new baby. As I started my new communication job, I quickly realized it was not what I had expected. I was in a program that focused on more than a dozen health related topic areas. These topic areas required me to coordinate all communications: public relations, social media, website development, campaign messaging, and the list goes on and on.
Now I really shouldn’t complain because there is a daycare in my building. During the day I’m literally a flight of stairs away from my boys. I’m not sure I could work full time if I didn’t have the option of a daycare at my workplace. Anyways, my first day back from maternity leave was full of anxiety, sadness, and tears. I laid my sleeping baby boy down in his daycare crib and as I walked away from him I felt the tears building up. It felt like an eternity as I walked up that flight of stairs to my desk. Needless to say I was back downstairs within the hour just to look at him and reassure myself he was ok.
About a month later, I was in the swing of our new family rountine. Somehow I was adjusting to the change ok, but I realized this job was taken so much out of me. I came from a position where I managed a communication team of four to being a one-woman show. I want to say I had post-partum depression, but it was only associated to my job. Would that be “post-excepting a job that is truly a job for three people” depression? At least I had my boys. I looked forward more and more to going home and playing with them. It was and continues to be the best time of my day. Those precious hours from 5-7:30; when I get on the floor with my boys and play trains or cars or Legos are honestly the best hours of my life. All the worry from my work day just melts away the moment I see their little faces.
This year, becoming a mom of two has had its challenges. Also with the challenges has come the greatest joy I have ever known. Every time I am stressed at work, I can go down and feed Jax and as I look into his eyes a sense a calm always comes over my body. I am happy when I pick Liam up from his class and he screams, “Mom!” and greets me with the biggest hug.
Yes, life has its challenges and its joys this year. For me looking at the glass half full is what keeps my challenges in perspective. I hope you all can see your challenges for what they are and find your greatest joy in whatever capacity that looks like for you. I wish you all the happiest new year!