What’s your love language? Don’t know. All you have to do is take a test. Thomas and I took the test and discovered I had a three-way love language split between Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Quality of Time. Thomas was very most so Physical Touch. Not sure what I’m talking about keep reading and you will. Below I have a great video of Thomas and I taking the test and learning our love languages and descriptions of each love language, all of which comes from Gary Chapman.
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
What We Learned
We both found this test to be fun and insightful. I learned that even when I don’t want to be touched, (ahem, mainly the day before my cycle begins) physical touch is important to Thomas and I need to let him hug me a bit even on those days I struggle with it. On the flip side, I also realized that I feel connected to Thomas when he helps me around the house; and when I feel like the burden of responsibility is equally shared between the two of us. I also feel connected when I know Thomas is actively listening to him and when he show my physical affection.