Dealing with loss just sucks! There is no other way to put it. Thomas and I lost our good friend in January and it was not the best way to bring in the New Year, let us just say that. We did grow as individual’s during this experience and we grew closer together as a couple. I am sorry if you have experienced or are in the middle of experiencing loss. Obviously, everyone deals with loss in their own way. I want to share with you want Thomas and I did to process, accept, and move on from losing our good friend Brooks.
Hints for dealing with loss
1. Be sad.
It is natural and healthy to be after losing someone you have loved. Thomas and I completely gave in the emotion of sadness. At times I feel like the sadness over took us, but it was good. We made the decision to not be sad in front of the boys, because they are too young to understand why mommy and daddy are sad. After we’d get those precious boys to bed, Thomas and I would cry. We did this for the first five nights after Brooks died. After that we still cried, but it wasn’t all consuming.
At that point we communicated our emotions. If we felt like we were going to breakdown, we told the other person and excused ourselves from the room (this was when the boys were awake). When the boys were asleep, we’d still get sad and cry at times. We talked about Brooks everyday until the funeral.
2. Make a decision to not be sad.
After the funeral, well truthfully it was after the live celebration that was the night of the funeral, Thomas and I decided to not be sad anymore. We still had permission to cry and talk about Brooks of course, but we were making the decision to stop focuses on the sadness and attempt to feel something else, which brings me to hint three gratitude.
3. Be grateful for the memories.
We decided to stop being sad and start to be grateful that we had Brooks in our life for as long as we did. We talked about all the memories and value Brooks brought to our life. I honed in a memory of him and I watching the 4th of July fireaworks the summer I was pregnant with Liam. As we watched the fireworks, Brooks had his hand on my belly anxiously waiting for Liam to kick. Every time I felt myself getting sad I picture myself under Brooks arm and his reaction when Liam finally kicked at his hand.
Like I said, loss sucks. I hate it. Unfortunately, it is a part of life. I don’t know if this is helpful or not but I wanted to share with you all what worked for Thomas and me. If you are experience loss and what to reach out please do. DM me on Instagram or Facebook. I hope you can find a way to be grateful and not to be sad. If this was not helpful here is at great blog post by Jinna Yang title 10 Things I learned While Dealing With the Death of A Loved One.